Suffering the consequences of someone else's actions...

I am a planner.  I plan things.  I have the ability to swing by the seat of my pants, and I do on occasion. But generally, I plan.  I plan what I'm going to eat, what I'm going to do, and where my life is generally going to go.  However, "life", recently has had other plans.

My plan:  I was happily married with 3 step sons, had built a house, had a wonderful garden, had a career that was fulfilling that I enjoyed...the rest of my plan was to live happily ever after.  To live in this house until I retired with the love of my life.  This was the life I had always wanted.

Life:  I found out the "love of my life" cheated on me.  Again.  We went through this last summer, and we worked through it, or so I thought.  This summer, he did it again.  I had told him that if he ever did something like that again, we were done. So, we were done.  The beautiful custom-made house is on the market, and I am working on understanding what my life looks like as a single woman yet again.  Divorce is in the very near future.  I have lost my husband, my stepsons, my house, and my "happily every after" due to the actions of one individual.  Story of my married life:  suffering the consequences of someone else's actions.

I have moved past the sad, the angry, and I never got to the vindictive.  I stopped myself.  One day I said "Tracey, being angry at him is like being angry at a toddler who throws a temper tantrum.  It doesn't hurt the toddler, and it doesn't make the tantrum go away.  Might as well deal with the tantrum and learn from it."  So, I am happy, living my life how I want to live it, and not checking in with anyone.  I am more relaxed now than I was my entire married life, always worried about the next problem coming down the line...worried about the consequences of someone else's actions.  Now, my only worry is selling this beautiful house because I can't afford it on my own.  But that will happen in time.  The right buyer will come along.  Timing is everything.

I deserve happiness.  I deserve respect.  And I deserve a partner in life that I can trust without question.  God has a plan for me.  It may involve another long-term relationship, or it may not. It may involve staying in Rochester, or it may not.  But whatever it is, I am just going to hang on for the ride!